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在读生物类博士的生活是怎样的

2019-11-10 18:38:13

最后更新于10/14/16。好多图预警。贴一个我很喜欢的乐高系列。大家自行对号入座啊哈哈哈!作者:LegoGradStudent原文链接:http://legogradstudent.tumblr.com/翻译:Mon1st译文已获作者授权,一切权利属于作者。Sufferingfromwriter’sblock,thegradstudentstaresatascreenasemptyashishopesanddreams.受困于文思枯竭,博士生盯着和他的希望与理想一样空白的屏幕。Waitingoutsidehisadvisor’soffice,thegradstudentponderswhattatteredremainsofhisdignitywillsurvivethemeeting.等在导师办公室外,博士生怀疑他仅剩的尊严能否承受住这次会面的打击。Sittinginfrontofhisadvisor,thegradstudentwonderswhethertheprofessor’slackofeyecontactstemsfrombitterdisappointmentorprofoundapathy.坐在导师对面,博士生想知道教授为何不看他的眼睛——是彻底的失望还是深刻的不在乎?Steppingoutofhisadvisor’soffice,thegradstudentexchangesabriefyetintensethousand-yardstarewiththenextpersoninline.走出导师的办公室,博士生和下一个人交换短暂而炽烈的创伤对视*Reelingfromhismeetingwithhisadvisor,thegradstudenttakesamomentalonetoreflect.见过导师后,博士生踉踉跄跄地走到安静的地方独自反省。Turninghisheadatthesoundoffamiliarfootsteps,thegradstudentrealizesthathedidnotproperlylockthebathroomdoor.听到熟悉的脚步声,博士生转过头,意识到自己没有锁好门。Sprawlinginhisbedroom,thegradstudentdesperatelystrugglestorememberthefeelingofhappiness.在自己的卧室地上到处乱爬,博士生绝望地试图回忆起快乐的感觉。Clearingyetanotherpaperjam,thegradstudentseesanuncomfortablycloseparallelbetweenhimselfandtheprinter.打印机又卡住了。博士生意识到自己和打印机之间令人不适的相似之处。Givinguponthejammedprinter,thegradstudentfindsawaytocontrolatleastonethinginhislife.放弃修理卡住的打印机,博士生终于找到一件生活中可以被自己控制的事情。Noticinghisadvisorwalkingintothebuilding,thegradstudentfranticallyattemptstoclosetheelevatordoors.意识到导师正在走进大厅,博士生拼命按电梯门上的“关门”键。Managingtoclosetheelevatordoorsonhisadvisor,thegradstudentcannotescapetheglareofbetrayalthatwillhaunthisnightmares.成功在导师进门前关上了电梯门,博士生却无法逃脱导师控诉着背叛的眼神,感觉晚上会做恶梦。Openingthegradkitchenrefrigerator,thegradstudentsmellsapotentlessononthetragedyofthecommons.打开同事们合用的冰箱门,博士生闻到公地悲剧的强烈味道。**Havingpackedacademicbooksonterrorismtoreadonhiswayhome,thegradstudentreceivesspecialattentionatairportsecurity.回家的行李中装了很多关于恐怖主义的学术书籍,博士生在机场安检处受到了特别关注。Arrivingtwominutesbeforethestartofworkshop,thegradstudentbreaksintoacoldsweatwatchingthepizzaquicklydwindleaway.在小型研讨会开始前两分钟到场的博士生陷入披萨将被拿完的恐慌,冒出阵阵冷汗。Glaringatthegluttongrabbingthelastthreepiecesofpizza,thegradstudentisseizedbyasurgeofanimalisticrage.盯着一次拿走了最后三块披萨的饕餮者,博士生全身充满了野兽一样的愤怒。Starvingfromafood-deprivedafternoon,thegradstudentdeeplycovetsthegourmetsandwichesleftoutsidethenextworkshop.一个下午没吃到东西,饥肠辘辘的博士生眼巴巴地望着隔壁门外的美味三明治。Pickingupsandwicheswithgreatrelish,thegradstudentiscaughtred-handedbythedisgruntledadministrativeassistant.博士生满怀欣喜地拿起三明治,却被一脸怒容的助理逮个正着。Eatinghisstolensandwichesinthestairwell,thegradstudentcontemplateshowhislifehascometothis.坐在楼梯间吃着偷来的三明治,博士生不禁思考他的人生是怎么落到这般境界。Takingalate-nightbreakfromwork,thegradstudentislockedoutofhisdepartmentandhismind.深夜暂停工作回到家,博士生被锁在了他的公寓和他的理智之外。Siftingthroughthelibrary’sbasementstacks,thegradstudentcannottellwhetherthemustysmellisfromtheoldbooksorhiswitheringsoul.在图书馆的地下室找书时,博士生分不清这股发霉的味道是来自于旧书还是自己逐日凋零的灵魂。Revisinghispaper,thegradstudentisunabletoreplicatehisownstatisticalresults.修改着他的文章,博士生无法重现自己的统计数据。Exercisingonthetreadmill,thegradstudentiswell-trainedtofeelexhaustedwhilegoingnowhere.在跑步机上锻炼的博士生早已习惯了在一事无成的同时感到筋疲力尽。Droppingthebarbellonhishead,thegradstudentfeelsmildsolaceknowingthathecouldnothavebecomeanydumber.把杠铃砸在自己头上的博士生意识到自己已经不可能更蠢了,感到一阵欣慰。Walkingbyfirst-yearsexcitedlytalkingaboutresearch,thegradstudentfaintlyremembersatimewhenhewasjustasnaive,misguided,andunbroken.路过一群正在兴奋地讨论科研的一年级生,博士生隐约回忆起自己也曾经如此天真,无知,完整。Findingnocoffeeleftatthefrontoffice,thegradstudentdeemshisdayeffectivelyover.咖啡机里没有咖啡,博士生决定这一天就此结束。Complainingabouthisadvisortoacolleagueovercoffee,thegradstudentchoosesaninopportunemomenttoignorehissurroundings.在跟同事喝咖啡说导师坏话时,博士生不幸没有注意自己的周围。Checkingthemailfornewsabouthisfellowshipapplication,thegradstudentfindsathinenvelope.博士生去信箱看申请的奖学金有没有消息,发现一个薄信封。Peeringoveravastemptyoffice,thegradstudentdubshimselftheKingofLoneliness.看着空荡荡的办公室,博士生自封为孤独之王。Settinguphislaptopforaworkshoppresentation,thegradstudentrealizesheforgottobringhisdongle.在演讲前准备自己的笔记本时,博士生发现没有带视频接口转换头。Takingaquestion,thegradstudentgritshisteethlisteningtoafirst-year’sdelusionallygrandiosesuggestion.被提问打断的博士生咬着牙听一个一年级生给他提出不(sang)切(xin)实(bing)际(kuang)的建议。Comingtoaparticularlyflimsyslide,thegradstudentnervouslywatchesdozensofeyesstareattheworkofafraud.讲到一张特别水的演示文稿,博士生紧张地看着台下几十双洞察他小把戏的眼睛。Listeningtoaprofessor’sremarks,thegradstudentlearnsthat“threesmallpoints”means“threemissilesdesignedtoobliterateyourworkandself-worth.”听着教授的评论,博士生意识到“三个小问题”的意思是“三颗专门用来摧毁你的工作和自我价值的导弹”TrippingovertheVGAcable,thegradstudentsevershisresearch’sconnectionwiththephysicalworld.被VGA数据线绊倒,博士生切断了他的研究与现实世界的唯一联系。Meetingadatefordinner,thegradstudentistrappedinarestaurantfarexceedinghisfoodbudget.和约会对象共进晚餐,博士生被困在了一个远超自己食物预算的饭店。ExplainingwhyhegavethepaperaD-,thegradstudentisinformedthattheundergradisthesonofamajoruniversitydonor.向学生解释为什么给对方的文章评分D-,博士生被告知这个本科生是学校大金主的儿子。Fearingthathewillbecold-called,thegradstudentglaresattheprofessorinanaudaciousgameofreversepsychology.担心他会被叫到提问,博士生大胆采用反转心理学盯着教授。Havingspentthewholeweekendcomingupwithoneremotelyusefulcomment,thegradstudentdeflatesasaclassmatemakesthepointfirst.用了整个周末来想出一个稍微有点用的评论,点子却被同学抢先说出来,博士生泄了气。Feelingnolessconfinedaftercomingtoaspaciouscoffeeshop,thegradstudentconfrontstherealitythathisworkishisprison.来到一间宽敞的咖啡厅却没有感觉到束缚减轻,博士生不得不面对他的工作就是他的监狱这个现实。Loungingonthetoilet,thegradstudenthasthefivemostproductiveminutesofhisday.坐在马桶上,博士生度过他每天最有生产力的五分钟。Soakinginacommitteemember’sadvice,thegradstudentmarvelsathowtheprofessor’srandomthoughtseclipseseveralmonthsofhisdissertationwork.沉浸在委员会成员的指导中,博士生想不通为什么教授随便的想法就超过了他毕业论文几个月的工作。Overhearingsomebusinessschoolstudentscomplainabouttheirworkload,thegradstudenttellshimselftobreatheandslowlycounttoten.听到商业学院的学生抱怨他们的工作量,博士生告诉自己深呼吸并慢慢数到十。Flyingtoaconference,thegradstudentlosestheabilitytofinishsomelast-minutework.在去一个学术会议的飞机上,博士生失去了踩线完成工作的机会。Savingmoneyontheconferencebysleepinginabudgetmotel,thegradstudentsitsintheglowofanoldTVthatisbrighterthanhisfuture.为了存钱而住在廉价旅馆的博士生,坐在床上看着比自己的未来更光明的老式电视。Spottingmultipleerrorsonhisposter,thegradstudentisalmostrelievedthatnobodyislookingathisresearch.发现自己的海报上有数处错误,博士生几乎庆幸没有人来看他的研究。Checkingthatthecoastisclear,thegradstudentmakeshisthirdcasualpassatthefreecookiesatthelargeexhibitionstall.看好四下无人,博士生第三次若无其事地走过一个参展商的免费饼干。Recognizingarenownedscholaratareception,thegradstudentissuckedintoablackholeofpanicandworthlessness.在招待会上认出一个著名学者,博士生陷入慌张和价值感缺失的黑洞。Drawingthemotel’sblindswithhopesforabetterandbrighterday,thegradstudentfacesabrickwall.打开廉价旅馆的窗帘以期看到更好和更光明的一天,博士生面对着的是一堵墙。Attendingthepanelthatrejectedhispaperproposal,thegradstudentinwardlytrasheseachpresenter’sresearch.参加一个拒绝了他提交论文的讨论组,博士生在内心中把每一个演讲人的研究都批得体无完肤。Conversingwithaveryimpressivepresenter,thegradstudentwitherswhenhelearnsthatsheisarisingsecond-year.和一个特别厉害的演讲人聊天,博士生发现她是才刚二年级,受到了一万点暴击。Visitingtheofficeofacolleaguethatrecentlybecameanassistantprofessor,thegradstudentstiflesadeepsigh.参观一个最近拿到助理教授职位的同事,博士生发出无声的长叹。Updatinganoldfriendinthecityabouthislife,thegradstudenthearshimselfsaytheword“still”adisconcertingnumberoftimes.向住在城市的老朋友更新自己的生活,博士生听到自己说了太多次“还是”。Mullingoverwhathislacklusterconferencetriprevealedabouthislife,thegradstudenttakesabriefbreakfromreality.思索着自己乏善可陈的会议旅程揭示了自己人生的什么,博士生短暂地逃离了现实。Seeingsomecolleaguesheadtoaninvite-onlyreadinggroup,thegradstudentneedsnobooktoknowheisunwanted.看着几个同事前往一个邀请才能加入的读书会,博士生不需要书本来告诉他自己不被需要。Perusingthelatestjournalissue,thegradstudentcomesacrossanarticlethatisuncomfortablysimilartohisdissertation.在最新一期期刊中,博士生读到一篇和自己的毕业论文令人不适地相似的文章。Needingaletterofrecommendation,thegradstudentbeginstosuspectthathisadvisorisavoidinghim.到了需要推荐信的时候,博士生开始怀疑导师是故意躲着他。Handingouthissectionsyllabus,thegradstudentsuppressesthethoughtthatitwillbehismostwidelyreadpieceofwriting.把讨论课的大纲发给学生们,博士生努力抑制“这将是自己读者最广泛的一篇写作”这个危险的想法。Scanningthesmorgasbordatthedininghall,thegradstudentdevelopsaplanofattacktoeatawayhissorrows.看着食堂的大杂烩菜单,博士生计划大吃一顿来治疗自己的悲伤。Preparingtoravenouslystuffhisface,thegradstudentcatchestheconfusedandpityingglancesoftwoofhisstudents.正准备一头埋进食物中,博士生看到两个自己课上学生困惑而怜悯的眼神。Beingremindedofhischildhoodbyhissoftserve,thegradstudentflashesbacktoatimewhenhethoughthewouldamounttosomething.被冰激凌勾起童年的回忆,博士生恍惚间回到了以为自己将会有所成就的曾经。Kickingoffhislastofficehoursbeforethefirstmajorpaperisdue,thegradstudentregretsnotsettingupanonlineappointmentsystem.学生们纷纷来请教第一次大作业时,博士生为自己没有建立网上预约系统感到十分后悔。Stoppingbyaformerstudent’sgraduationparty,thegradstudentlimplyshakesthehandoftheundergradthathetaughtinherfirstyear.在一个学生的毕业派对上,博士生与她无力地握手。他当她的助教时她才一年级。Failingtofindasinglefunctioningstapler,thegradstudentstrugglestokeepthingstogether.订书机全部都没法用,博士生努力让自己不发疯。Lyinginhisbedinsilence,thegradstudenthasnodistractionsthatcandrownoutthesoftmurmursofself-doubtswirlinginhishead.静静躺在床上,博士生无法驱赶脑中自我怀疑的声音。Drowninginacommitteemember’sincrediblytechnicalandperplexingsuggestions,thegradstudenthasnoideawhyhisheadisnodding.毕业委员会成员的技术性建议根本听不懂,博士生只能不停地点头。Refashioninghisreviewers’rejectionlettersintoconfetti,thegradstudentemptilycommemoratesyetanotherfailure.博士生把审稿人拒信剪成碎屑,以纪念自己的又一次失败。Borrowingthedepartmentcreditcardtobuysuppliesforanevent,thegradstudentfleetinglyconsidersrunningawayandnevercomingback.借来系里的信用卡买活动用的材料,博士生脑海中闪过从此远走天涯的念头。Tryingtogradesixtypapers,read800pages,writethreeproposals,andreplyto50e-mailsinfourdays,thegradstudentsimplycannot.博士生计划在接下来的四天里:改六篇学生论文;读800页文献;写三个申请书;回复50封邮件!哈哈哈,怎么可能。Wonderingwhynobodyelseisinthereadingroom,thegradstudentglumlyrealizesthatitisalateSaturdaynight.奇怪怎么阅读室里只有自己一个人,博士生得到一个悲伤的领悟:是周六晚上了。。。9/27/16悄悄更新既然你已经看到这里了我想你有很大概率在读博士或者读过,你好呀:)我想说,分享这组乐高的一部分原因是我觉得它们毫无疑问(可能是太过真实地)描述了我们生活中令人沮丧的一方面:不断的自我怀疑,对研究项目是否能成功的不确定感,和极为残酷的竞争(包括学术和就业)。但另一个原因也是觉得这些令人沮丧的特征值得正视——我们认识到自己选择了一条困难的道路,但我们[del]作为一些认知失调的赌徒[/del]也愿意承受这些困难和风险,因为我们相信得到的奖赏是值得为之付出的。不是吗?9/29悄悄更新2如果有人因为看到这组乐高而更沮丧了,那就太对不起啦!我分享它们的本意是觉得作者的创意很好,而且很有共鸣——你的沮丧不是一个人喔!不同国家不同专业的我们都有着十分类似的体验呀。另一方面,读博士也不是只有痛苦没有欢乐的嘛~做自己认为最有价值的,可能短期内不会有什么经济效益的事情,这样还能拿工资——这本身就是很值得庆幸的事情呀~而且身边有那么多志趣相同的科学家可以聊各种想法,不也是一件值得高兴的事情吗?*thousand-yardstare,直译为千码盯,是战场回来的士兵或其他重大创伤受害者常有的空洞眼神。**tragedyofthecommons,公地悲剧,见wikipedia.org的页面

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